Thursday March 11, 2010:
Today has been a sort of surreal day. When I am alone with no project for me to be working on and I am left with just my thoughts, they begin to wander in strange directions let me tell you. Having all my projects done there was nothing going on this morning so I walked up to the fitness center but they were closed due to replacing of carpets. I decided to keep on walking up the lane, out of the complex and up through the two strip malls on either side of us. I was glancing in windows and taking note of store names and contents there in. There is a Wonder Bread store, a Coins shop, a clothing repair/sewing shop, two cafes, the Antique Mall, The Navy and The Army recruiting offices, three different hair styling salons, a college, a craft store, and a Toys R Us store. As I crossed through the parking lot towards the outer sidewalk I took a look around and up at the sky and suddenly felt very alone. Nothing was familiar, I didn't know a soul around and couldn't just go get in my car to go visit someone, anyone I knew. I suddenly felt so lost, alone and empty. The thoughts came to me again; where am I and why am I here? Where is the life I know, the friends I know, the neighborhoods I know, the stores I know, the reason I know for getting up and getting going each day, my children, my grandchildren, my family... I am supposed to be the stable one, I am supposed to be 'home' for my chidren to come home to. It just seems bizzare that I come 'home' to my children. I was just plucked out of that life and dropped into a whole new dimension. I just am lost. Bizzare!! Bizzare!!
My longing for home gets the best of me on these days and the only way for me to find comfort is in praying to my Father in Heaven. I know he knows me and hears and understands my thoughts and emotions. He sends me comfort through my next set of thoughts which go somethig like this; As much as I love my children and want to be reunited with them, My heavenly father must feel the same way, even more so he wants me to come home to him. So I want to make sure I am doing all the things he requires and asks of me so I am worthy to return and see him and be with him and have him put his arms around me and welcome me home again. And if he feels this way about me, then he must feel the same way about every single person I see everyday and if they are feeling lost and alone I would think that they need him and his comfort too, just like me. So we are all equals, we all have the same needs, so we are not scary to each other we are brothers and sisters in need of love and acceptance, just like me!!! So carry on in this new dimension, be friendly and caring, spread the Gospel of love and acceptance, of a knowledge of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, a Father and a Brother that are waiting with open arms to recieve us home.